A world without silence

Standing out on the patio, smoking a cigarette, listening to the urban night. It was pretty quiet for the city, but there was the ever attendant Ring. The Ring, always with me, is usually perceived as a combination of two or more slightly different high pitched tones. Sometimes it will take a sudden dip or climb in volume and all other sound will be temporarily muted - kind of like when you stick your head under water.
It's been with me as long as I can remember. At one point, years ago, I was commenting to my daughter that I wondered what caused that ringing sound I heard when there was otherwise silence. Her response was " No, Daddy, silence means NO sound. No one else hears ringing then, and if you do, you need to get your ears checked." I was kind of amazed. I just assumed that everyone heard the ring, since it seemed to have been with me always.
It's gotten louder over the years. It is now as loud as or louder than most conversations. I have learned that it apparently causes me to be unable to hear other sounds that occur in close to the same high pitched frequency. Otherwise, I notice that some very high frequencies cause me pain sometimes. The ringing of a hammer on an anvil comes to mind.

I have since learned that The Ring has a name. It's called tinnitus. It's caused by damage to the little hair-like vibration sensors in the inner ear, usually caused by exposure to extreme volume. It's pretty much incurable. The damage that I incurred to cause it may have come from too many too loud rock concerts, or the time I spent working in a newspaper press room (large printing presses are VERY loud, even with ear plugs). However, those things happened during or after my teen years, when I remember already hearing The Ring.
I suspect it more likely happened when I was about five or so. An accidental shot from a thirty-ought-six rifle came through the bathroom wall and bounced off lower end of the cast iron bath tub I was in, facing the shot wall. The ringing of the rifle shot tub was simply amazing. It was very loud. Picture being inside a bell that size when it was struck by a bullet. My grandparents and parents all came rushing in after the shot,
I 'm sure fearing the worst. If the bullet had come through the wall a few inches higher, it probably would have struck me full in the chest. I was in the faucet end of the tub, facing the other end, which is where the bullet bounced off of the lower curve of the tub.

They say that some people who have this condition are driven nearly crazy by it. I try to think of it as a reminder of how chancy life is, and how good it is to be alive. The photo is me at about the age I think the Ring occurred (or was born into my life, as I sometimes think of it).

For more information on The Ring, what Dr.s call tinnitus see http://www.hear-it.org/

100 things about me.

1. I'm on my second marriage

2. I procrastinate a lot, especially if I'm anxious about outcome

3. I'm anxious a lot.

4. I used to be smarter than I am now.

5. I'm learning to make better choices(slowly)

6. I'm lactose intolerant

7. I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome

8. I feel that I'm in much better shape physically than most 50 year old men

9. I don't work at being in shape, I just work.

10. I'm a Christian, with leanings towards Native American beliefs

11. I just had my first ever dental filling

12. I am self employed

13. I have no medical insurance (get most of my doctoring at a free indian clinic)

14. I grew up in Kansas

15. I live in the Pacific Northwest now

16. I love my wife (a lot)

17. I have never "cheated" in a relationship

18. After my ex-wife died I didn't date for almost 10 years

19. I love chocolate

20. deleted ...tooo much information

21. same - t.m.i

22. I drink lots of coffee(with sugar)

23. I love reading

24. Almost all of my reading is for entertainment now - an escape hatch

25. I enjoy eating meat, but feel guilty about it -- how meat animals are treated

26. I was raised Lutheran

27. I haven't attended church in years

28. I play acoustic guitar

29. Although I've been playing guitar for over 35 years, I can only remember about 4 or 5 songs.

30. I would like to learn how to play ZZ Top songs on acoustic guitar

31. I can't read sheet music

32. I went $12,000 in school loan debt to get a minimum wage job in radio

33. I drive a Subaru Outback

34. I really like my car

35 I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

36. I often feel like I'm not doing what I am supposed to be with my work a/o life

37. I don't do team sports.

38. I do enjoy flying stunt kites.

39. I want to paint one truly great painting in my life

40. I have little to no fear of speaking in public (odd, considering how little I really have to say)

41. I try to appreciate the moment I'm in (Be here Now)

42. I have a 4 year old son

43. I'm not my son's biological father

44. I am my son's Daddy

45. I once spent 3 months in Hong Kong

46. I don't mind flying

47. I do mind airports

48. Sometimes I'm an INFX

49. Sometimes I'm an ENFX

50. I would like to work from home on the computer(and be paid well)

51. I have an associates degree in horticulture

52. I never quite finished my Bachelor's in Broadcast Communication

53. My IQ is about a third again above "average"

54. My IQ doesn't seem to help me much when it comes to earning a living

55. I don't have enough self discipline

56. I have tinnitus (My ears ring really loudly - all the time)

57. I believe the point of diminishing returns is important to recognize

58. I really dislike negative confrontation

59. I can have a quick temper

60. I mostly internalize my temper

61. I am generous

62. I don't cook

63. loud noises startle me - A lot!

64. When someone or something hits me in the head, something snaps and I get very angry very fast - not a good thing.

65. I can usually see both sides of an adversarial situation

66. I am more liberal than conservative politically

67. I never trust whoever gets elected

68. I would like to sing back up(baritone) for an acoustic folk/rock band.
69. some people like my speaking voice (some tell me I should be on radio-been there, done that.)

70. some women say they think I've got great eyes(I don't get it)

71. I love dogs but don't have one.

72. I used to raise English bulldogs (not to be confused with pit bulls)

73. I think the best dog I ever had was a block headed black lab named Luke

74. I believe the essence of good Rock'N'Roll lies in the elements of tooth, edge and snap.

75. I like many kinds of music

76. I was raised on a wide variety of music

77. re-thought, never mind.

78. I have, I think, a pretty wide scope of appreciation in a wide variety of fields

79. I don't like Death-metal, or gangsta-rap

80. I think Tom Hanks is the Jimmy Stewart of his age(for shear talent and versatility)

81. I think ZZ Top is the Beach Boys of their age(songs about cars and girls)

82. If Whoopy Goldberg ran for president, I'd vote for her.

83. I love the concepts involved in physics but can't do the math(how about that string theory?)

84. I wish I was better at advanced math (but not enough to spend the effort now)

85. I sometimes miss getting high, but that was me then and this is me now.

86. There was once something here that you don't need to know

87. pretty much the same - some things - better left

88. I grew up about ten miles from where the film "Twisters" was shot

89. I'm not afraid of tornadoes or earthquakes (but probably should be)

90. I miss Kansas spring thunder storms (even though they bring tornadoes)

91. I like the climate in the Pacific Northwest, rain and all

92. I live in a public housing apartment

93. I want to own a house (with an art studio/work shop)

94. I think being nice is ultimately more important than being competent (though being competent seems to pay better).

95. I don't think I'm very good at my job
(though some other people seem to think so)

96. I can read fairly fast, with good to excellent comprehension, and that's a good thing about me, I think

97. I believe God actually IS watching

98. I believe in free will AND predestination
(I can believe whatever I want)

99. I LIKE peanut butter and honey sandwiches

100. I will probably change this list over time, although it may profit me very little, and only in ways that are intangible

This is the first

This is the first blog i have ever done. It's an attempt at getting into 21st century communication. let's start out with some "who I am, what I'm doing". It's an outlet for random thoughts from an abstract random thought process kind of guy going on 50. It may not be of any interest to anyone else, or it may.

I find myself three years into my second marriage. I think I'm better at it than i was the first time. I went from being the only surviving parent of a great mid twenties daughter to having a combined six children(5 grown, one preschool) and five grandchildren. well, THAT's something different...and just fine.

Self employed, providing services in the marine pleasure craft field - that's small yachts averaging about 40 feet in lenght. I mostly do teak varnishing, washing, waxing, and some plumbing.

I live on and at the upper end of official poverty level, and that's ok, though I hope for and work for more.

I have done a pretty wide variety of jobs and other activities in my life.
kind of an eclectic life path.

I really like the new Robert Plant Alyson Krauss "Raising Sand" cd.

More later.